Feels Like Rain
by onlyone-chance8720
Summary: This is what I think Meredith did after Cristina's nonwedding. She went to the roof and thought about things. Began as a oneshot, and ended on chapter 5. Please Read & Review. Thanks for every one's comments! MerDer. Slight AU.
1. Chapter 1

**This is a one shot && I thought about adding on to it, however, I am unsure if I should; because I do not know where I would go with the story.** **So if you want me to continue, just let me know, and I will see what I can do. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy, because if I did my life would be complete because it would consist of Eric Dane and Patrick Dempsey and me. Although, I do love Ellen Pompeo.**

**Please Read && Review.**

The sky is dark, as it is 11:01pm. Meredith looks around her, and notices the brush of wind blowing across her cheek, and the lightening flashing in the south. A new storm is just blowing in. Why does it always have to rain? Why is she still living in Seattle? Why is she asking herself these questions? She already knows the answers. She loves the rain. She has memories in Seattle that she can't, and will not, erase. Meredith grabs her hair as it whips her face, and she puts it in a pony tail, in the back of her head. This only helped slightly, as some tiny pieces kept falling across her face. She tried to hold them back. As Meredith looked around her surroundings, she thought about how the last week had been. The last week had been hectic, confusing, and too much for her. While her mind raced, she began to think of how the week had started, and that had started with Derek.

"_Goodmorning Mer." Derek said as he kissed her lips, softly._

"_Watching me again Derek? Did my snoring wake you again?" Meredith chuckled, yet at the same time felt bad that she had snoring problems. Derek smiled at her and shook his head. "No."_

"_Then why are you watching me?" She looked at him, raising an eyebrow, and leaned up to kiss his tender lips, that she always longed to touch with her lips._

"_Because I love you, and I love the way that your nose crinkles as you begin to shift out of your deep sleep." Derek mentions, nonchalantly. Meredith raises her hand up to her nose, and covers it, feeling slightly embarrassed. Derek laughed softly. _

"_You have a cute nose." He mentions._

"_No I don't." Meredith contradicts._

"_Yes you do. Take my word on it." Derek smiles, and kisses the hand that was on top of her nose. Then he removes her hand, and kisses her small, delicate nose._

_Derek stands. "I have a surgery at ten, and its eight. So I'm going to take a shower. Care to join?" He shifts his eyebrows seductively, motioning with his finger to make her follow. _

_She shakes her head, and pulls the covers tighter around her body. He shakes his head at her, motioning again for her to follow. Once again, she shakes her head._

_He walks away, and she feels slightly disappointed. As she turns on her side, she looks at the clock seeing as it was 8:01am. As she was about to yawn, she felt strong hands grab her by the waist and she laughed, as she was cradled like a baby by Derek's hands. She smiled at him, and he smiled back._

_Derek took her in the bathroom, and set her down, removing her clothes, as he was already naked, and waiting for her to join. _

"_You have a cute butt." She laughs as he stands facing away from her, turning the shower on hot._

"_No I don't." He contradicts with a grin on his face, that she can't see._

"_Yes, you do have a cute butt." She nods._

"_I know, just wanted to here you say it again." He smiles as he turns around, and picks her up, taking her in the shower with him._

Why couldn't Meredith go back to that? Everything seemed cheerful and delightful only five days ago. Five days ago, she was happy and in love. However, now she wasn't. She didn't think she could be. Five days ago, Cristina started to freak out about the wedding. Something that Meredith was surprised to see. Meredith thought back to Cristina.

"_Meredith Elizabeth Grey!" Meredith turned at the voice, the voice was at a harsh whisper. She was surprised to see her person, in the hospital pretending to not be there. Meredith began to laugh loudly as she looked at her person. Her person was below the desk, and if someone was to come see her right now, they would get the wrong idea about them both. Meredith laugh began to slow down, as Cristina pulled on her leg, and made her fall to the ground with her. Meredith fell on her ass with a thump. Cristina smiled evilly, and Meredith was quite weary to be there with Cristina, at this moment and time._

"_How did you know my middle name?" Meredith asked, not sure if she had told Cristina her middle name before. If so, she must have been drunk, because she doesn't give that name out, to anyone, especially the people she trusts most. _

_Cristina scoffed, rolling her eyes in the process. "I don't remember."_

_Meredith turned her head to the side, looking as if she was confused. "Okay fine. I found out by reading your chart. Are you happy, now?"_

"_Not really, but whatever." Meredith laughed. "Now for the good question, what are you doing here?" She said moving back against the cabinet giving her back some rest._

"_Oh...um I don't know." Cristina sighed. "I'M A SURGEON!" Meredith was taken back a little by the statement, and looked around, seeing if some nurse or other nosy person was looking at them._

"_Really, I hadn't noticed." Meredith sarcastically said._

_  
"Okay seriously Mer. Remember last time I told you to keep the sarcastic remarks to me. Well you should listen to me. You can't be sarcastic." Cristina smiled to herself. _

"_Yeah, well…YES I can." Meredith said, not able to think of something else to say. _

_Cristina laughed softly. "Yeah sure, whatever you say Meredith Elizabeth."_

_Meredith was about to say something, when her pager started buzzing at her side. She looked at it and it was a 911 page from Dr. Sloan, who was her attending for the day._

"_What do you want, Cristina? I have to answer this page."_

"_I want in on a surgery."_

"_When do you not want on a surgery?" Meredith interrogated._

"_Um…that's a never." Cristina responded, as if Meredith had just asked the most stupid question._

_Meredith stood up. "I will see what I can do." Meredith started to walk away, when she heard. _

"_This is why you are my person. Bye Dr. Meredith Elizabeth." Meredith cringed at the name, and turned around flipped Cristina off. Cristina only laughed._

"_You didn't say anything about hand gestures." Meredith smiled, and walked to her patients' room."_

Meredith laughed at this memory. She loved her person, in a sister way, and loved how she was so surgery hungry. Meredith wondered what she would be like when she was an attending. Meredith smiled, and then turned away from the railing. She looked on the top of the building. It was plain. Nothing unusual about it, yet it was her second favorite place to be in the hospital for herself. First, of course, being the O.R and third being the basement. The roof was her own special place. No one else knew about it, yet everyone knew about it. The only reason all other people, except Meredith, came up here was to help people off the helicopter. Yet, no one else that she knew of came up her just to think and look at the skyline. That was her favorite part of Seattle, the skyline. The skyline was beautiful and not clouded, like most other cities.

Meredith looked at her watch 11:07pm. She looked down to her feet, and let her hair fall down upon her face. The wind calming for a small amount of time..

As Meredith lifted her head, she thought about how the rest of the week had gone. She didn't want to remember these memories, because they meant she failed. She had failed the ones that she loved. Well her people, Derek and Cristina.

She hadn't made Derek happy enough.

"_Should you be worried that I met a woman? No. Should you be worried that, for me, flirting with that woman was a highlight of my week?"_

Had Meredith really been that miserable lately? She felt sincerely sorry for that. She hadn't meant for him to feel neglected or however someone wanted to put it. She just couldn't find the word that explained what he was probably going through. Meredith had been through hell that week: Susan dying, her father slapping her for "supposedly" killing her faux mother, Thatcher not letting her go to the funeral, and last but not least, having to take the test over again. Her friends helped her, but in a way Derek was feeling neglected that she had not come to him. Yet, she hadn't gone to her friends either. They came to her, knowing that she needed help. Although, Meredith wanted to blame this on Derek, she couldn't. This was no one's fault but her own.

Meredith hadn't been a good enough person.

"_Meredith say something. Please say something."_

Meredith had not been able to think of something to say to the bride-to-be. She wasn't sure, because her mind was racing. Racing with the things that Derek said, and the things about if this wedding didn't work out, then Derek and her couldn't work out. She now realized that, that was not the way things worked. She couldn't base her own feelings on the way something didn't turn out for someone else. If you loved someone well enough, then you two should be the only ones that mattered. Meredith felt like an idiot, finding that out now.

Meredith let out a tear. She had messed up, she had probably lost the one that she loved now. Derek had officially called her the _"love of his life"_ but what did she do? She walked away, because she was running late for Cristina's wedding.

Meredith felt as her tears began to mix with the rain, as the rain began to fall harder now. Meredith looked down at her watch, feeling childish for doing this. However, she had promised a patient she would do this, because she had never done this before and it supposedly something that everyone was supposed to do. Meredith looked up at the clouds, letting the rain hit her forehead, and she closed her eyes.

It was 11:11pm.

"Okay I've never done this, but what I wish for is to be happy. I want my life to be happy again."

Meredith knew what she was feeling was probably not really happening, but she felt a rush of relief fall over her. Maybe she could be happy. All she had to do was believe.

**please review :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hopefully this will be as good as the last chapter. I'm not totally sure where my story will lead, but I am sure that this will be a Meredith & Derek fanfiction. Although, I am scared of how the season will begin and end, I still have faith in Derek and Meredith. I believe that they belong together. So again, please read and review, and let me know what you think. I appreciate all reviews. So here is my next chapter.**

Meredith walked over to the doors on the balcony, them opening as she stood in front of them. She looked into the brightly lighten hallway, a much bigger difference from the environment she was still in. She wasn't ready to go back into the hospital just yet. Going into the hospital would mean that she might have the chance of meeting Derek once more. Meredith knew that she had just wished to be happier, but seeing Derek wouldn't make her happy, it would actually make her more miserable than she had been before she made her simple, childish wish. If she was to see Derek's face now, she knew she wouldn't see a smile, she wouldn't see happiness, she wouldn't see anything but pain and anger, from what she had done only hours earlier that day. Could she honestly stand to see his face, covered in the pain and anger she had caused? She wasn't sure yet. So she stood outside, as the sliding doors began to close once again.

The sky was brightened for what seemed like three seconds. The lightening reached across the sky, to touch something much father away. Meredith turned around, letting her back face the set of opening doors. The rain only hit her face harder, as if it was spitting in her face for not having enough courage to look at what she had created. Meredith didn't mind though, because she felt that she deserved it. Better yet, she knew she deserved it. She deserved to be rained on, hurt, and pained like she had done so many times to Derek. Meredith walked back over to the side of the building that she had been at less than ten minutes ago. Meredith put her hands on the solid foundation that surrounded the top of the building. Meredith looked up at the sky, letting the harsher rain hit her face. She watched as another strike of lightening ran across the sky, and as it vanished away from the dark rain clouds she looked down to the solid pavement below her. The pavement below her held the cars of the doctors, nurses, and patients still in the hospital. She looked across the parking lot, looking for one car in particular. She let out a sigh as she spotted the silver, two doors, BMW.

Meredith decided that now was a better time than none to exit the building. She just needed the courage to do it. She needed the courage to go in the large building, go down the stairs or get into an elevator, and exit the hospital. As for seeing Derek, she needed to look at him, and say something. Say something simple, something so simple that it might even be a 'hi' and if he was to say nothing back, well, she needed to deal with that. Meredith needed to deal with it, and exit the building to go home.

Tomorrow would be a better day to talk to Derek, about the stupid mistake she had made of telling him _"it's over, it's so over"_. She could deal talking about that another day, just not right now.

However, what if Derek was to start talking about it right now? What was she to do? Was she supposed to talk to him, or ask him to talk with her about it tomorrow? She wasn't exactly sure what to do, yet. But she knew, she needed to get into the hospital, and get ready to go home, because she felt that tomorrow was going to be a big day for her, and she wasn't going to be at the hospital until the next day.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry guys that this took so long. I've been busy with work, work, school, and more work. So I'm very sorry. Anywho…I hope you like this update. If not let me know, you do, let me know too. Thanks. And thanks to everyone who has reviewed it so far, your comments mean a lot to me. And now to the update.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy, however Tuesday I will own the Grey's Anatomy Volume 3 Soundtrack, and the Season 3 DVD. Oh heaven. Lol. **

Meredith Grey mustered up enough courage to walk through the sliding doors, and down the brightly lighten hallway. As she was walking, she thought about the possibility of seeing Derek, and the hatred, pain, and hurt on his face. Did she honestly mean to hurt him? No. Did she know why she hurt him? She hurt him because she believed that if Cristina and Burke didn't make it, neither would Derek and her. Did she still believe that now? No. Did she think that if she apologized everything would go back to normal? No, she could only hope though.

She had found herself doing that a lot lately. Hoping. Hoping for something to tell her what she was doing was right, something to tell her that Derek and her belonged together. However, now that she thought about it; she didn't need a sign to tell her these things. She just had to believe in these things, she had to believe in herself. However, could she do that? She had never been the one to believe in herself. She tried to believe in herself, and when she got to the point, someone had to put her back down. Back down to the level where she didn't have the strength to believe in herself anymore.

However, right now in this moment she had to believe in herself and everything she did. She needed to believe that she was doing what was right. She didn't want to, but she needed to. She needed to believe in herself, so she could believe in everything else. Everything else was being Derek and her. She needed to believe, because if she didn't, she didn't know how Derek and her were going to survive. However, she needed them to survive. Even if she hadn't mentioned it out loud before, she had known from the time they spent together, he was the love of her life too. She loved him more than anything, and she needed them to be together in the long run.

As she was thinking this, Meredith didn't notice but she began to walk in the direction of his office. In the middle of thinking about him, her mind told her feet to walk towards his office. Meredith passed by the nurses' station, and looked at the nurses, trying to put a smile on her face. Not wanting them to start something about her, and the way she was walking around the hospital at almost midnight. She didn't need the whole hospital knowing her news again. Meredith Grey looked at her location, and frowned. She hadn't known that she was going to his office. Meredith stopped walking and looked in the direction of his office, beginning to stare. As she was looking in, she had seen him. He looked more miserable than she had thought possible. She knew she had hurt him, but it looked as if a part of him had died. Had she really put him out of his misery when she said it was over; because if she had, she would have hated to see him miserable? Meredith was more confused than ever now. She wasn't sure if she had put him out of his misery, and created her own, or had she put both of them in a misery that she wanted to change.

Meredith kept looking at him, as she felt tears once again begin to build up in her eyes. Her hands formed together, and she held her hands, trying not to fidget while looking in on him. Seeing his state of mentality, she felt her tears fall down her face. As if right on cue, Derek lifted his head off his desk, and seen her. They looked at each other for a few seconds, before Derek stood up. He kept his eyes on hers, and Meredith thought that he was getting closer to her. She looked into his eyes, as the anger on his face appeared more. Her face changed as she seen his anger build. Derek still was coming closer to her. Meredith took a step back, afraid of what he might do. She knew he wouldn't hurt her, but the way that he was looking at her, she was slightly confused and scared.

Derek seen her face, and the way that her nose scrunched up to show that she was slightly confused, or she was scared; maybe it was both. He wasn't sure. He got closer to her.

"Meredith." He said softly.

Meredith raised her eyes that landed on the floor to look at him. "Yes?" Where did her courage go? She needed it right now in this moment, but she couldn't find it.

"Why are you here?" Derek said, trying to remove the anger from his body.

"I'm not sure." She answered honestly. All the courage in her, even the little small bit of courage was no longer there. She couldn't be around him without courage right at this moment. "I'm sorry, I should go." She turned around, and began to walk away. She was slightly surprised to hear the voice of a man that she loves, the charming, soulful, confident qualities of his voice, no longer there. His voice was now sorrowed, pained, and hurt.

"Meredith please. Please don't go."

"Derek." Meredith said, still turned away from him. "Maybe its best."

"Best for you." She heard him mutter. At that Meredith turned around stared at his face. Surprised that he was muttering, however she shouldn't be upset at this little reaction. She did this. She made him this way.

"Derek…" Meredith said sorrowfully.

"Meredith…we both know that you did not mean what you said to me today in that church, but you had to. You had to do it because your best friend, your person," he mocked, "didn't have her day today. You were basing the relationship between us, on them. Burke and Cristina, no one knew if they were going to last anyway." Derek said, walking to her, standing in front of her.

"Derek…she's my person. Burke and Cristina seemed like the perfect couple, if they couldn't make it, can we?"

Derek hated to argue with Meredith. He hated arguing more than he hated the fact that they weren't together. However, he needed to make her believe that they could make it. She was his everything, and Derek had the slightest hope that he was hers too. They just needed to get it out in the open. Derek said it to her earlier that day. However, he said it at the wrong time; he said everything he said that afternoon at the wrong time. Why; because he couldn't wait to say it. He knew that saying _"put me out of my misery." _ Was said at the wrong time, however, he couldn't help but feel like she needed to. She was always avoiding him, always going to her friends, not him.

"Meredith we can make this happen, but only if you want to be with me. If you want to be with me, and you know I want to be with you, we can make this happen. However, I can't make up your mind like I want to. So you have to tell me Meredith. Do you want to be with me?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay so I wanted to say a few things. First of all. I want to thank everyone that has read this story and commented. Your comments mean a lot to me. I really appreciate them. Second of all: I'm sorry for not updating for quite awhile. I have been majorly busy with everything. Work and school, and college essays, and college applications, college visits, AP test, and everything. I'm sorry. I will try to update quicker than that, and if I don't, I will inform you. Thank you again for your comments.**

** Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. I swear. **

**((Did anyone see last nights episode? HOLY CRAP!!!!!! I LOVED IT!)) Sorry anywho...on with the story! **

**Read & Review.  
**

_"Meredith I love you. I've been in love with you forever."_

_"You're the love of my life, can't you see that?"_

_"Hi my name is Derek Shepherd."_

_…_

_…_

_"You deserve to be with somebody who makes you happy. Somebody who doesn't complicate your life. Somebody who wont hurt you. He's the better guy. Finn's the better guy."_

_"Okay."_

All these memories went through Meredith's head. The good and the bad. She wanted more than anything to say "yes Derek I want to be with you." However, the thoughts running through her head, reminded her of the pain that she went through. She never had cried over a man before, until she met Derek. She also never slept thinking about a man either. Which one was more comforting? Which one did she want to go through her life with?

Meredith looked into the blue eyes of Derek's. His eyes were the most beautiful she had ever seen. No one's eyes before his could captivate her soul, or speak large amounts with out even speaking. He was the only one that she had actually been in a actual relationship with.

His eyes captured hers, and he raised his hands to her chin. Making her continue to look at him, he didn't want to take the chance of her green eyes escaping his blue ones.

"Meredith…please."

Even though Meredith's face couldn't turn, and not face the pain flush across Derek's face, she moved her eyes down. She couldn't see the pain, which she created. She didn't want to.

Why couldn't she ever remember the good times? She needed the good times right now. She needed to be reminded that she wanted to be with Derek Shepherd. The person so magnificent, handsome, and amazing. Someone that believed in soul mates. Every time she was around him, she felt like she was coming up short. She wasn't anything like him. She loved him she knew that, but she didn't know how to be the good girlfriend.

"yesiwanttobewithyou." She said way too quickly and soft, that when she looked up she seen the look on Derek's face. Being a confused one. She knew that he understood her.

"butidon'tknowhowto. Imsorry." She said quickly and soft again.

Derek took a step closer to her, removing his hand from her chin. He grabbed her hand that was at her side, and raised it to his lips.

"Meredith…Good. I want to be with you too. And if you need, I will give you space if you need it to think about how you want to be with me. I'm not going to rush you again."

"No."

"No?"

"No."

"Okay no what?" Derek said with a grin on his face.

"No…I don't want space."


	5. Chapter 5

**Wow…2 updates close together? Oh my holy lardness. Lol. Anywho…hope you like the update. READ && REVIEW!!! Sorry that its really short.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. However, I do own many Grey's Anatomy products. && the first epi of this season. HECK YEAH!**

"Really, so you don't want space?" Derek wanted to make her say it. Say that she didn't want the space, that she wanted them to be together. He knew it would be a stretch, however, it was a stretch he was willing to make. Meredith was his life. Well the love of his life. He needed her in everything he did. Whether it was sleeping (he dreamed of her), waking up (he thought of her when he woke up), surgery (well...he most certainly worked better with her), anything. Anything he did he was reminded of her. She was his everything, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

Meredith looked up to Derek with her green eyes. Her eyes piercing into his.

"Derek." 

"Meredith." Derek countered.

"You know my answer." She said, realizing what he was doing.

"Oh really? I do." He tried to act dumb, however, being Derek Shepherd, he wasn't able to pull it off very well.

"Don't play that card, I know you know what my answer is." Meredith smirked.

"Okay seriously Meredith." Derek smirked back. "Meredith I don't know. I think I need you to say it." 

"Why say it, when you already know it?" Meredith took a baby step towards him.

"Hmmmm...because I need you to say it?" Derek gave her the McDreamy smile.

Meredith took a step back, and was turning around, when she felt a strong hand on her shoulder, pulling her back to him, softly. Meredith's back was still facing away from him.

"Please."

"Okay. Release me first." Meredith said.

"No...you'll run."

Meredith sighed. "No I won't."

"Promise? I can't handle anymore running tonight."

"I promise." Meredith felt Derek release his grip on her. "Okay." Meredith turned around to see Derek.

"Derek Michael Shepherd, I am in this relationship." Derek's look was pressing her for something more. "I am so far in this relationship; I don't want to be out of it. Ever."

Derek smiled, growing wider by the second. "Me too." He muttered softly.

"You what?" Meredith smirked.

"I am in this relationship. I am so far in this relationship, I don't want to be out of it. Ever."

Derek stepped towards Meredith, and pressed his lips to her soft, vanilla tasting lips. Derek raised his hand up to her cheek. Letting his fingers softly run across her skin, sending a warmth to the spot he touched. There was no one in the hallway, so Meredith raised her hand to his hair, and ran it through his silky strands, letting her hand rest on his warm neck. Derek gently guided his tongue into her mouth, finding her tongue. Softly caressing her. Derek ran his thumb across her cheek. He needed to pull away before, he wasn't able to stop himself. Derek reluctantly pulled away from the pleasure, from his life.

Meredith felt as if she was gasping for air. Derek and her had not kissed like that in quite a while. The kiss was their seal of agreement. She didn't need anything else that night. Except to be with Derek.

Derek looked into her eyes. "Meredith...I love you."

"I love you too, Derek."

**Hope you liked it. Please Review!!**


	6. Chapter 6

Okay so I thought about it. I like this story, however I think that the last chapter I wrote was a great ending, in my own opinion. I'm sorry to those of you that want me to continue this. This was the best thing for the story. I might write another story, but not for a while, because I'm so busy with school.

I did want to thank all of you for your wonderful comments. I appreciated each and every one of them. Thanks again!!!!


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